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Episode 97 - "Gettin Wet At Keene State"

Why is Kelly so excited? Well, as you know, our HOES FOR CONGRESS campaign is like a traveling show...we're going tons and tons of places to score votes. Our next stop: Keene State College. Since it's one of the highest ranking schools for largest number of STD cases, we assume that they'll vote Niecy and Kelly into Congress without a second guess. Little did we know that we were going on the WETTEST night of the year and the only way to get ourselves known on campus was to PARTY...hey, it's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.





We packed our campaign tools and we were on our way. cutietam came along, and as we'll later find out, she had an ulterior motive all along!


Of course Niecy went...can't get her into congress, if she's not working the streets! And we brought Robert & Jessica Ann...PLUS meet their friend Alicia! We wanted them to come because it really highlights the importance of getting 12 year olds interested in voting before they can actually even vote. Robert knows one thing for sure...HOES FOR CONGRESS!!! Doesn't Robert look high to you?


And you know that Niecy wouldn't even try taking a stab at running for Congress unless she knew she had GAV by her side!


It was a very long ride to Keene State, especially because of the rain. So, we promised Robert that if he was a good boy on the way there, we'd let him have a little treat...


Maybe you shouldn't give 12 year olds alcohol!


Meanwhile, once he was a little tipsy, the girls took advantage of him!


Remember folks...you've seen everything here...but I've never given you KIDDIE PORN until now ;)


So, we finally arrive at Keene State, and who do we run into??? ADRIANO!!! We said goodbye to her a month ago, and she's back already in an episode! Here she is with her roommate, Katie.


Jacob, our Campaign Manager, tried recruiting Adriano to be a part of the HOES FOR CONGRESS movement, but she just didn't like the sound of the word HO. She prefers WHORE...and since it's too late to change the name, Kristin sadly declined the offer.


"Wait a minute!" Kelly says. "I think we just might have another character up our sleeve that we just recently said goodbye to."


That was my bad for not telling you all earlier...JON also joined us to support the campaign!


Meanwhille, this is the part where we were outside A LOT! Look at how wet my jeans are already!


We tried taking good HOES FOR CONGRESS pics, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary (Niecy's boobs).


Here's Jacob WET, doing some kind of gangsta type of thing.


Kel jumped on that bandwagon and decided to do it to.


Now, somehow we ended up in a FRAT HOUSE and we're pretty much drenched by this point.


Just look at Kelly's hair!


Don't mind Jon's goofy sped face here, I just wanted to point out the poles that were in this FRAT HOUSE! How easy do you think it was to convince these people to vote for HOES FOR CONGRESS, when they apparently support pole dancing?


Either our tourettes was really kicking in, or Teresa and I were attempting to sing a song here. I'm not really sure which.


Look at all the people in the background...mind you we don't know ANYONE there. Adriano was in her room, and the only other person we know at Keene had gone home for the weekend. We literally invited ourselves in to get this campaign going and Kelly goes and does weird shit like this...


Can you imagine what they must have thought about us? Kelly finally made it over to that pole before the end of the night. And look, black lights too. I felt like we were on ROOM RAIDERS!


By the end of the night...it looked more like SPEDS FOR CONGRESS than anything else!


Pimpalicious!


When we left this frat house, the rain was worse...it poured BUCKETS...and then off came the clothes!


Kelly got injured...VODKA in her eye!!! Since it was on the job Kel, you could probably get workman's comp for it!


Notice the makeup missing from just her left eye here! And the water dripping off her nose.


And the clothes just kept coming off!


I have no idea what business card this is that everyone wants to lick, but it's beyond me!


So, it appears that Teresa and Jacob's tongue's are getting a little close here.


As I began passing out...they got closer and closer and closer!


BAM!!!


And the next day Jacob announces that Teresa has joined HOES FOR CONGRESS and not only that, but she'll be our LEAD HO!!! What a snake! Sucking up (literally) to the campaign manager to become the Lead Ho! I'm sure Niecy and Kelly will work their magic somehow!

You must be thinking 'where was Niecy in those last pics'? Well, she had her own fun scoring votes at Keene State. Since I had my camera, she drew us some nice pictures to fill us in on what was going on. By the looks of it, there was sex, vomitting out the window and it appears that some kid lit his hat on fire!!!


Apparently she went to the 'WHORE STORE' and got in a vicious, nasty fight with this dude. I take it he won't be voting for her...



Next Episode:Episode 98 - "We Could've Hit You...But We Didn't"...HOES FOR CONGRESS hits Boston as we're joined with another SPECIAL GUEST STAR this season! If peeing in a bottle in my car, getting checked for explosives at the entrances of parking garages, Niecy at a urinal, or horses named Toby sounds like a fun time for you, then you don't want to miss this episode! Plus, see just how VICIOUS Kelly's dog really is.

AND IT'S COMING...THE 100th EPISODE...

It's an episode so SHOCKING and so CRAAAAAAAAZY...

More SECRETS will be revealed. EVERYONE will be here...

Will you?